Thursday, July 21, 2011
Let Them Eat Cake
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A group of GOP congressmen calling themselves The Mob of Nine have added a new wrinkle to the ongoing budget negotiations as they put forth a proposal today that would replace Social Security with letting people eat cake.
Their proposal, contained in a bill called the National Cake-Eating Act of 2011, would substitute seniors’ monthly Social Security check with what they called “an easy-to-follow cake recipe.”
“Right now, it’s hard to find a consensus about how to cut the national debt,” said Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis). “But one thing’s clear: everybody enjoys a good piece of cake.”
But even as the group put forth their proposal, their was dissension among The Mob of Nine about how large the pieces of cake that people were to eat should be, with Rep. Ryan leading the faction who favors a sliver rather than a slice.
“When we say piece of cake, we mean a very, very small piece of cake,” Mr. Ryan said. “We’re not talking about a Newt Gingrich piece of cake.”
Rep. Ryan also warned fellow GOP House members against supporting the so-called Gang of Six bipartisan budget proposal: “If you support that, I must warn you, you are flirting with reasonableness.”
He said that to pass muster with Tea Party members in the House, any budget proposal would have to pass the Tea Party litmus test: “That means it must be 100% free of logic or math.”
In other political news, presidential candidate Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) said her migraine headaches would not hinder her ability to lead: “I can go for months without using my brain.”
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11 comments:
Is this a recipe for Soylent Green pound cake?
The only problem is that someone will have to go down to the nursing home to snatch the cake off the lunch trays of the residents so it can be distributed to taxpayers.
mw
The true patriots have never had a problem about hiring additional police if it ensures the citizenry are falling in line and towing the mark. Since snatching the oldies' cake would be such an salutary demonstration of social correctness, the tea zealots would likely overlook the redistribution of wealth aspect of the program.
Why do I feel like I'm living in "Alice in Wonderland" and specifically in the "Mad Hatters" tea party?
Margadant,
Spoken like a true lawyer. A one-legged lawyer.
I"m so happy we're finally doing something about government bloat. I suggest we also go grab all those fruit cocktail cups. They should be delivered to real movers and shakers like the American job-creators (or their designated representatives).
mw
Hard to define those "job creators". I used to think it was those top 2% we're been reading so much about lately. Having looked at it as objectively as I can, I've come to the conclusion that that is a bunch of BS. It's the mom and pop start-ups that create jobs, not wealthy people and big companies.
My last comment on the subject.
I think that the top 2% being "job creators" is a myth only elitist spout. They seem to think that us bottom feeders are too stupid to think or know better. Some of the stuff I hear from my betters these days sounds a lot like some of the stories I told my mother trying to convince her I didn't do it of at least that I wouldn't do it again.
Either way R or D at least her in Cali there is no Cake left.
So eat bread.
Well we still got tortillas and Salsa.
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