"If I don't believe in solipsism, who will?" - Al Batt

Monday, December 27, 2010

Pat Robertson: Snow Is God’s Way of Punishing Americans Who Were Planning to Drive to Do Something Gay

VIRGINIA BEACH (The Borowitz Report) – Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.”
Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, “Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.”
Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.”
As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, “I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?”
In other blizzard-related news, the National Weather Service offered this update: “It’s as white as a Glenn Beck rally out there.”


Margadant said...

If Robertson is right then his God is a short-sighted and/or vindictive ass. Snow in that quantity also prevents teens from getting out of the house to engage in the rampantly heterosexual activities that are necessary to keep their hormones and tempers in check.

Oldfool said...

Pat Robertson is gay and paranoid. He thinks God talks to HIM and is out to get'm too.

Johann Rissik said...

God, such as she/he may be, clearly has a sense of humour. I laughed out loud when I read that and am still smiling. Pat Robertson is one sly mofo, drawing attention towards gay people and blizzards so he can get a handle on the choir boys. More please.
Check out http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

Anonymous said...

Robertson needs to get in touch with his own inner choirboy. I know some places in San Francisco where he could do just that, but then, God would probably send an earthquake if He found out.


Silk Hope said...

I am Lutheran and Gunnar thinks I am right of Atilla of the Hun. That being said Robertson maybe the only man that makes me think that God is dead. This guy would so loathed by Thomas Jefferson.

Tom G. said...

Hey folks. It's a satire. It's not really true. OK, the part about Robertson being an idiot is true, but the rest of it was just intended to be humor. Kinda like The Onion.

Anonymous said...

It may have been satire...but it all has a certain Truthiness about it, doncha' think? I mean, if PR had really said that stuff...would anyone be truly surprised?

Happy New Year to ya' and yours, Gunnar. Keep up the good work in 2011.


Rick Moffat

Gunnar Berg said...

Tommy Gee,
Satire only works if there is a kernel of truth in them. We all remember God's reason for Katrina.

Gunnar Berg said...

But I don't hate Robertson.