"I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba dog food at my vet and standing in a queue at the check-out. A guy behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told him no, I was starting the Eukanuba Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 22 kilos before I awoke in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told him that it was essentially a perfect diet and that all you do is load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. And I told him that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that by now, practically everyone in the queue was enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind him.
Horrified, he asked if I'd ended up in hospital in that condition because I'd been poisoned. I told him no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me."