Friday, February 11, 2011

Obama Falsely Encouraged By Mubarak’s Out of Office Autoreply

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – 
Explaining why he had been convinced yesterday that Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak was about to relinquish his position, President Barack Obama said that he had been misled by Mr. Mubarak’s out of office autoreply to Mr. Obama’s email.
Embarrassed at the misinterpretation, Mr. Obama conceded today that “maybe I took it a little too literally.”
In a sign that he is losing patience with the Egyptian leader, Mr. Obama said that the U.S. was preparing to send Mr. Mubarak a new email “with the strongest frowny-faced emoticons at our disposal.”
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton also expressed frustration with Mr. Mubarak’s unwillingness to leave, calling him “Egypt’s first zombie President.”
In what some observers have seen as an ominous sign, Mr. Mubarak has reportedly been consulting about his career plans with Jay Leno.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

this one should hit a bit closer to home.


MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – In her official Tea Party response to President Obama’s State of the Union Address, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) offered a bold new policy initiative she called “Don’t Add, Don’t Spell.”

Rep. Bachmann called the proposal “a reflection of core Tea Party values” and said it would “deliver the American people from the tyranny of arithmetic, spelling, and punctuation.”

In addition to “Don’t Add, Don’t Spell,” Rep. Bachmann suggested slashing the Federal budget by eliminating nine of the first ten Amendments to the Constitution.

“I think you know which one I’d keep,” she chuckled, miming a Western gunslinger with her index fingers.

Rep. Bachmann’s odd onscreen appearance, in which she seemed to be staring off-camera for the duration of her speech, was initially blamed on “a squirrel that got into the studio and distracted her,” said one Tea Party official.

But the Minnesota congresswoman offered her own explanation: “I was looking off to one side because I was trying to read off Sarah Palin’s hand.”

In Washington, House Speaker John Boehner held a press conference after the President’s speech to declare, “This infernal week of civility is officially over.”

“The American people owe its representatives a huge debt of thanks,” Mr. Boehner added. “Tonight, each of us made the ultimate sacrifice any American can ever be called upon to make: sitting next to a person we despise.”

mw

Gunnar Berg said...

Ain't she a pip? During the last election I was having a political email exchange with a bunch of old friends, all of us critiquing, pissing and complaining about our local representatives. Dennis Dorgan stopped it cold when he pointed out his rep was Michelle Bachmann. Incidentally, she reps the 6th District; next door the 5th is represented by Keith Ellison, our token Moslem. Can you say, Different Demographics?

Silk Hope said...

Obama is such an abject Rookie. But he's our Rookie. Oye vey!

Anonymous said...

I would happily vote for Michele Bachmann or Sarah Palin to take the lead in a porn flick with John Wayne Bobbit perhaps. But neither shows any other promise in my view.

mw

Gunnar Berg said...

I had to google JWB. Boy, you have a dark place back in the corner of your mind.

Silk Hope said...

Bobbit: Father of the Christian Bris.

Any Scandanavian Moyles in town?

Gunnar Berg said...

Apparently not, you can bet your sweet ass I'm a turtle.

Anonymous said...

I dunno about the dark place, I just like to celebrate our true American Grizzly mamas and underdogs who do so much with so little . . . some littler now than previously

mw

Silk Hope said...

MW: I go by the motto "Hell hath no fury like a women scorned!"

So please don't piss'em off.

Gunnar Berg said...

Scorn and lack of respect. For both.